Monday, January 07, 2013

James Potter!

That's Prongs - the smooth talker. 


Thursday, May 03, 2012

Quarter-life Crisis?

My life is a mess. I am a mess. There are so many things that I can't undo. So many things that, I'm beginning to realize, might have passed me by. So many other things that I want to do, but am being bogged down by guilt, responsibilities, expectations and fear. I would like to pen down my thoughts, all the conflict of emotions, and assorted blah, blahs, but then I remembered this. An old forward, sent by an old friend from a time long forgotten. Everything that I could say, this says better. So here goes.

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. 

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. 

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. 

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. 

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. 

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... 

And while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender! 

We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. 
We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis."

Right? I read this and I realized that what I'm going through really isn't limited to just me. Given the billions on this planet, I'm pretty sure of this. But that doesn't make it less scary to go through. Ultimately, its your life, and your decisions. And no matter how much a person might know you, they will never know what prompts you to make a decision, or choose a certain path in life. So yes, your life lies in your hands. Its completely in your control. What you do with it ultimately comes down to you. And that knowledge will exhilarate you, liberate you, and make you feel invincible, while scaring the sh*t out of you. ;)

So yes, I'll close this post with that final thought. Take Care. Until next time. Ciao!

Wednesday, October 05, 2011

What Do Angels Look Like?

Came across this today. I just knew I had to preserve this for posterity (read put it somewhere easy for me to find... :))

Like the little old lady who returned your wallet yesterday.
Like the taxi driver who told you that your eyes light up the world, when you smile.
Like the small child who showed you the wonder in simple things.
Like the poor man who offered to share his lunch with you.
Like the rich man who showed you that it really is all possible, if only you believe.
Like the stranger who just happened to come along, when you had lost your way.
Like the friend who touched your heart, when you didn't think you had one to touch.
Angels come in all sizes and shapes, all ages and skin types.
Some with freckles, some with dimples, some with wrinkles, some without.
They come disguised as friends, enemies, teachers, students, spouses and fools.
They don't take life too seriously, they travel light.
They leave no forwarding address, they ask nothing in return.
They wear sneakers with gossamer wings, they get a deal on dry cleaning.
They are hard to find when your eyes are closed...
But they are everywhere you look, when you choose to see.

 ~By Veronica Hay~ 

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Writer's Block?

This post is ironic in a way. I'm writing about how I'm unable to write!

And the reason I've figured, is that my mind is messed up. Whatever has happened in the past few months has managed to mess me up so bad, that I am unable to write about it! I know this sounds weird, but for me, writing down my thoughts and feelings has always come naturally to me. That I am unable to do so for recent events, is alarming.

Until today, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't gather up my thoughts to write down something legible. I would start off with something, and end up meandering through so many other somethings, that I ultimately lost focus of the something I was supposed to focus on. And there were so many instances of this, so many drafts that I've discarded because it didn't make sense. (If I didn't have my laptop, and its recycle bin, I could've taken a pic of all the scrunched up pieces of paper around my dust-bin .) My irritation and disappointment at not being able to write kept building up in proportion as well. Which is why, today I decided that I would try and figure out what exactly was happening.

Conclusion: My mind is messed up. Not just messed up - SO messed up. Making a list of what's messing me up out here is not exactly appropriate. So, I'll just go on to say that its unnerving how so many things can affect you without you being aware of it. And your being unaware of it only complicated matters by making you wonder what's wrong with yourself - Why did react like that? Why didn't you do that? What were you thinking when you were doing that?.... You get my drift, right?

And so yes, now that I've started the flow, I'm hoping it will continue. :) I can only be silent for so long, I guess.


Wednesday, December 01, 2010


PPS(As in Pre-script): Written Circa August 2010

(PS: Nope, this post is not about the city, so if you’re looking to visit Cochin, this might be the wrong post to read J This one is about a few of my experiences during my most recent visit to my dear little hometown, even though its not little anymore. :P)

Yaaayyy!! Home, sweet home! As much as I dread coming to Cochin, this is a feeling that hits me every time I get here… :) On the contrary, once I decide to make a trip down to Cochin, I book my tickets, and then I spend the reminder of the time worrying about what’s waiting for me back there. Weird, isn't it - these contrary emotions? Confused? Don’t be. This is what every 20-something girl goes through at some point in her life. The Hunt for the Perfect Husband. Bah! Utter nonsense I tell you… :| I mean, ‘The Hunt’? Seriously now? Is that what its finally come down to? Sigh…. And I think that the fact that you’re away from home compounds this whole situation. You’ll be home maybe a few weeks every year – and everything from marriages and other random family events, (including Pennukaanals, which literally translates to– Seeing the girl) to visits to churches, long drives to the beach, shopping in the city, and other such things are crammed into those few days you are there. The fun, the familiar, the nostalgia, the bugging, the tradition, the 'This is how its done!' routine,  therefore turn these few days of ‘Vacation’ into the most upside down time of the year - filled with fun, and more often than not, fear/fury. .

This trip was no different. I come home for my cousin’s engagement –the girl is younger than I am. Need I explain anymore? I think over these last four days I’ve discovered that I’m the ‘next in line to get married’, that I’m ‘becoming too old, and that I can’t afford to wait any longer’(and I’m still in the happier half of my 20’s mind you :P) that ‘if I need to find a good guy, this is the ‘right time’’ and other such bits’n’pieces of advice from well meaning relatives who have taken it upon themselves to see that I’m happily settled. Sigh! If only they realized that I would be happy if they just let me be. I’ve seen, observed, and dealt with guys, and I know just what I want in a guy. I know that what you see isn’t always what you get, that a ‘good family’ is no guarantee of a good boy, that some kinds of people are just not meant to be together – they would end up tearing out each other’s throats,  So, I’ll find my own, thank you very much.

Its not that I wantonly disregard what my parents want me to do, its just that I do not want to be rushed into something as important as a marriage on the flimsy excuse of "You're not getting any younger, so...." I completely understand the worries and anxieties that every parent goes through, but in this age and time, when girls are seeing more of the world, know what they want and how to get it, isn't it kinda contrary to expect them to give that all up just to marry some guy she doesn't know or even love? And imagine, most parents want their girls to be super-independent women, making huge strides in their career, and still expect them to be docile, and leave all important decisions like 'Who you should marry?' to others.

What kind of communication / generation gap could cause this? Sometimes, I think I've got it all figured out, at others, I'm just as lost and confused and the rest of you out there... (I must add here that my parents have been very reasonable about this, but sometimes the pressure does get to me.) But one thing I know for sure: I'll decide who/when to get married to. Simple. J

And that's the end of my rant for now. I'll leave you guys with these thoughts swirling in your minds. Feel free to leave a comment if you or someone you know have gone through or is going through this experience.

À Bientôt! 
... Till we meet again...